


Letting Go

by Malecforever88



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood-centric, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood Fluff, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-28
Updated: 2017-04-28
Packaged: 2018-10-25 01:03:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10753479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malecforever88/pseuds/Malecforever88
Summary: Just an experiment with another song. Alec’s internalized struggle with his feelings for Magnus and his coming out.Inspired byFist Fighting A Sandstorm by Sia





	Letting Go

**Author's Note:**

> Characters, song, and setting do not belong to me. 
> 
> All mistakes are mine.

Why can't I be normal.  Wht can't I stop  looking at Jace with longing….

 

I'm weak…

I'm a disgrace….

 

I haves to fight this. I can't be like this.   


_I fought so hard for your heart, on the way down_   
And I thought that I could save you from destruction   


Who is he? Why does he look at my like that?

I'm just Alec. I'm not as smooth or appealing and Isabelle or Jace….i'm just Alec.

 

Magnus Bane, the Warlock of Brooklyn wants me? Why? I'm nothing… just a disgrace….

 

  
_But I was never in contro-o-ol, never in control_   
_Fighting another war_   
_No I was never in contro-o-ol, never in control_ _  
_ Fighting another war

 

“So they know?” he asks

“know what? That I'm...ga..gay? No.” I answer.

And they can't know….

 

“Isabelle says you like me….. Why? I'm not Jace” I ask my curiosity just to high.  

 

“No you're not, you're Alexander” was all he said.  The use of my full name sending a shiver down my spin.

 

“I've never even been kissed” I whisper.  More to myself then to him.  

 

“Never?”

 

And then it happens. Our lips meet. This is it… this is what it's suppose to feel like….. This will be my undoing.

 

 _Was fist fighting a sandstorm_   
_Now I ain't boxing anymore_   
_I'm letting go and it's beautiful_   
_Fist fighting a sandstorm_   
_Fist fighting a sandstorm_ _  
_ Is a losing battle

 

I can't have this….can I? 

  
Was fist fighting a sandstorm   
Fighting a sandstorm   
Fighting a sandstorm   
Was fist fighting a sandstorm   
Was fist fighting a sandstorm   
But I won't fight it anymore   
I'm letting go and it's beautiful

 

When he touches me I can breath.

 

My parents what will they think?

 

Emotions are just a distraction…

 

His eyes….the way he looks at me….i can have him?

 

I can't it's just not done. I'm a Shadowhunter…

 

He's a downworlder...it can't be   
  
I was hurting, I couldn't let go, I couldn't leave you   
And I told myself, though it was hell, that we'd push through

 

I can't….i….but what if….?  


  
But I was never in contro-o-ol, never in control   
Fighting another war   
No I was never in contro-o-ol, never in control   
Fighting another war   
  
Was fist fighting a sandstorm   
Now I ain't boxing anymore   
I'm letting go and it's beautiful   
Fist fighting a sandstorm   
Fist fighting a sandstorm   
Is a losing battle

 

I need him….i want him…

  
THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments give me the feels. <3


End file.
